Finally We Have the Internet

So many stories to tell, but the problem is that when one of your biggest readers is your dad--it's hard to tell the crazy college stories. So Bwana TURN AWAY.

A few weeks ago I had a brilliant idea. I had turned 20 years a week or two ago and decided I should really celebrate, by doing 20 shots of Jagarmeister. Having already done a few shots of the Jager a week or ago I tried out a technique that a girl from our friend's house suggested--mixing it with mountain dew. It was great because it cut the burnt and lessoned the black liquorice taste--by a lot. However the tragic flaw it created was that I could put these shots away fast and with ease. At about shot 15 I turned to my roomies and said "This was a very bad idea." When I had finally put down shot number 20 it realized that I had drank basically a bottle of Jager in roughly 45 minutes. That's one of the last things I remember--fast forward a bit and our roomie Skip Tango aka Matt returned from work I talked to him but it was like I was in a Tony Scott movie. He was spinning, shaking and I think somehow life got triple exposed. After that I don't remember what happened. However I've been told that we went outside ont he porch and I was being to loud, I got down to the sidewalka nd fell face first into our "garden" then I somehow nearly passed out on the street when my other roomie (who too was drunk as fuck) tried to get me up, this is when I pulled him onto me and started laughing hysterically. (NOTE: I remember almost nothing after 10:47 that night I have been filled in on the events that unfolded up to my crashing in my bed at 1 something.) I got back on the porch and seemed like I was going to vomit. HOLD THAT THOUGHT, Othe rfunny things that happened that night involved Brosef. Brosef decided he was going to jump down a flight of our rickety stairs. He pussied out but not before he smacked his head into a nail and had his head bleed for awhile. BACK TO ME, I get brought up to the bathroom and procede to vomit like it's a currency that's trade rate jsut boomed. I vomit EVERYWHERE--whole slices of bread come out (I ate bread because I knew 20 shots need to be soaked, LOL) I am covered in vomit, (NOTE: I HAVE A SNAPSHOT MEMORY OF ME VOMITING) and am lying in most likely a puddle on the floor. The guys tell me to get in to the shower, which is running water from the tub faucet. I ROLL UP AND OVER THE TUB (maybe a foot and ahalf two feet tall) WITHOUT THE USE OF MY ARMS AND HANDS AND BEGIN DRINKING WATER OUT OF THE FAUCET. (Because water gets rid of hangovers, LOL) I am now showering vomit off me fully clothed (NOTE: I have a memory of this but it is merely a snap shot) After this I some how amble myself up to my room take off my gross clothes, put on a not-so fresh pair of clothes and crash. I wake up the next mornign feelign fine and proceed to try to piece together the evening with my roomies and Lippman.

Good story, bad series of events.

The next story, is worse--especially if you're Bwana. So I might save it, let's say it involves, meeting my cousins for the first time after dirnking the potion--freshman nipple and illegal substances.

Sorry for the Delay

We still don't have internet and though I have been stealing it as of late, it's very fickle and fleeting to say the least. What's happened, well our house's plumbing is fucked and our basement floods whenever we use water for more than mere seconds it seems. The plumber is coming today. We were having a party on saturday and jsut as kid started coming to the house I found out that half of our basment was a wading pool.

Brosef moved in yesterday, his mom helped him move, we'd say things like "Hello, Brosef's mom," and she'd say "Who the hell is Brosef?"

Yesterday we were gonna go grocery shopping, went way down to south philly, couldn't find the acme and jsut went to a bbq joint, had tall as shit beers and a giant platetr of MEAT. We fuckign destroyed that thing and went home.

Brosef and I wanted to go to the pool at our school and go diving but they wouldn't le tus, so I had to do pussy-fucking laps. I think Tea is coming tuesday and, with all of my reader's prayers, I can trick her into getting intimate with me, and if I figure it out I might post pictures on this nonsensical site. hopefully I'll think or do something more entertaining for you guys in the next post. But right now you've got this; and I promise that when we get the internet you'll be more posts--believe me as a fan of a certain photoblog site that never updates I feel your pain.

D-Beat Mania

So it's raining like God Philly, must be that shitty accent. The streets flooded and there was like a fuckign river i had to get throw to get here. seeing how a road bike can't go throw 3 in. deep water i had to walk through it. I'm soaked but i got to talk to the equipment room bosses, and i got a job offer from IC but i had to reject it becuase a lot of shit is happening tomorrow and I can't get to Princeton, Nj before 8 am. Continued to talking to the COusins, they want to come and hang out at the house. I dropped some subtle hints like "If you're driving here I'll send you directions. Or if you're taing SEPTA I'll pick you up aty 30th St. Station." Hopefully they get that that means "I live in the opposite of Mountain Top, you cn't walk around here by yourself."

Yeah the black folk who live with me seem to be split between Baptist/AME and Muslim. I've seen everything from colorful head raps, to weird long masks for a bby girl to a like near burka shindig. But it's weird for me to like see a woman in a head scare to yell "Mali! Get yo' ass over here foo'." Instead of saying "Dirka-Dirka, allah, muhammad, jihad." (if you don't understand that that's a joke stop reading this site now. Preferably by death).

On the home front Chris and I had "The Potion" (151 proof rum and coke) and stumbled over to 43rd and Blatimore to see friends. Then crawled back with a 12 pack of yeungling. What a delicious beer--it tastes like a German Import. We talked to the trash guys today about getting a recycling bin and we have to go to the Heart of Darkness and looks Kurtz in the eye t get it apparently. I'm thinking of getting a crack team of ex navy seals and marines to get me over to the place, i believe it's 51 and race. Yeah it gets worse as the numbers go up. Anyway I have to bike back to Wayne Manor.


LATER ON!

Sorry for the delay ESNaholics

So there was this whole thing where grandpa wasn't looking good, one of my housemates bailed on me and I had to put up an ad on craigslist and all this other rigamarole. Anywho I'm in Philly now and updating form the Basic Editing Lab, oooooooooo. We wont be getting the internet till the 21st. Well the neighborhood is friendly but it's like I live in an episode of The Wire that's been edited for network tv. So many drug deals on The corners. But hey that's their journey. It's also weird when you and your roomies are the only honkies/crackers/peckerwoods/white devils for a several block radius. The previous tenants were scumbags, they got brand new carpeting and basically didn't clean--once, at all. If you walk on the floors your feet turn black. A cleaning crew is coming on wedensday so that'll be good. Oh and all the craiglist people we thought would live with us bailed on us too. It's weird not having tv or the internet. But right now it's only chris and I because the other dudes haven't moved in yet. So basically we either play video games, watch the neighbor ood or play video games. Apparently i have two hot cousins going to school around here too. I contacted them and hopefully they'll want to talk and hang out--so I can keep an eye on them. They're 2nd cousins but i'm still not trying to hit on them, you pervy readers (what do I expect you read my shit.) Oh and I turned 20 on saturday. I spent it building book cases and dealing with my mom and sister. But we had a lovely dinner and i think chris and i opened the booze, i took it easy because i had to take the fam to the airport the next day but chris hadn't drank in a while and used the porcelien telephone to call ralph. Some kids are visiting us this week and that but other than this here's really not much to report to you, my reader. so um....

/END TRANSMISSION/